


No longer

by 002303



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst??, M/M, a bad attempt lol, renhyuck, the only ship that exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 03:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17035886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/002303/pseuds/002303
Summary: Donghyuck stared at Renjun. “Do you love me?”Renjun pointed to Donghyuck, “You?” And to himself, “Do I?”“Of Course I do”lies.





	No longer

Donghyuck told himself that he won’t let anyone use him.  
  
He won’t be someone’s temporary escape.  
  
He’s not here to heal, especially to get himself hurt again.  
  
But then he met Renjun. Renjun’s smile rivals the sun, too bright but so beautiful. Renjun is the human embodiment of the star. He’s warm to everyone, he feels like a hope in the darkness that covered from poll to poll. But something doesn’t feel right, he looks incomplete and so Donghyuck decided that maybe, just maybe, he could help him.  
  
Donghyuck decided to walk on a tight rope that doesn’t have a net underneath it, he offered himself away without knowing what would be the result. or maybe he knows.

  
  
                                                                             ☼

  
  
“I love you” Donghyuck smiled at the boy sitting in front of him, Renjun tilted his head to the right as an act of curiosity, “Oh?” Donghyuck looked through his lashes and showed him the same honey dipped smile. “Say it back, Ren”

  
Renjun pushed the coffee closer to Donghyuck, “Drink that, it’s getting cold” but he doesn’t move a finger. Donghyuck just stared at Renjun. “Do you love me?”

 

Renjun pointed to Donghyuck, “You?” And to himself, “Do I?”

 

“Of Course I do”

 

_Oh how much Donghyuck loves that atrocious lie._

 

                                                                           ☼

 

Donghyuck loves Renjun. _Too much. He loves him too much._ One call for help and he is rushing to him, he’s always ready to heal Renjun. He’s got his arms wide open for the boy to stay in there, to keep him warm for when the night’s cold and Renjun feels like the world doesn’t want him anymore. Renjun wasn’t though. Donghyuck spent his darkest days alone. He told himself that it’s fine, Renjun got things to do on his own.

 

When Donghyuck said he doesn’t know Renjun, he doesn’t mean it. He knows Renjun too much. He knows that Renjun hides himself deep in sweet lies. He knows that Renjun’s bright personality and sweet smiles are just there to charm people away from questioning him. Renjun claims that he’s wrong but he knows he isn’t. He knows how Renjun is much like a star, beautiful to the eyes but you can never get close to it, unless you’re asking for death itself.

 

Donghyuck thinks of Renjun as the color black, it lacks the color, it hides and covers what’s underneath it. Donghyuck hopes that he can paint Renjun yellow, and if it’s not possible then maybe orange will do.

 

                                                                         ☼

 

Donghyuck and Renjun went to one of Jeno’s usual friday parties to have fun, to give themselves a break from the stress they’ve harvested from all the Uni works. They walked into the house hand in hand, all smiley and happy. They both approached Jeno to greet him, Jeno’s currently talking to a man that hovers over him a little.

 

“Hyuck and Ren! It’s always nice to see you two here, by the way this is Lucas, a close friend of mine” Lucas waved hello to them, even gave them smile.

 

They introduced themselves before Jeno pulled Donghyuck away saying that he needs to show him something, “Talk you two! or play games! whatever you want, have fun!” Jeno yelled at them from the top of the staircase.

 

They had fun, a lot of fun. Donghyuck is sure of that because he just came back to them so close to each other that they’re practically stitched together. Renjun gave Lucas the same bright smile that made Donghyuck fall in deep. The party went on and Lucas never left Renjun’s side, not even when Donghyuck is around.

 

Donghyuck notices how Lucas is also the color black, empty and shallow. The two people that stands in front of him right now are both empty — but yet he feels like they were made for each other, it hurts for him but he already knows he isn’t the one for Renjun from the start.

 

He’s just the same temporary escape.

 

                                                                       ☼

 

Donghyuck noticed how Renjun would always decline his offers, always using the same shitty excuse. _I’m sorry! I’m busy right now_ he would always say.

 

Donghyuck noticed how Renjun would always be on his phone, give more attention to it rather than to his own boyfriend.

 

Donghyuck is not dumb, he knows that Renjun sneaks out the dorm at night just to hold another man’s hand. He leaves Donghyuck alone in his — their room.

 

Donghyuck knows who that man is.

 

                                                                           ☼

 

Donghyuck wakes up at 1 am to see that there’s the same empty spot where Renjun should be right now. He groaned, he’s tired of this. If Renjun’s done using him, he can at least tell him. Donghyuck sat up to go find him in whatever place he decided it’s better to be than in their dorm. He got a jacket and was ready to leave when the door bursts open. Renjun’s there, smiling but immediately frowned when he saw Donghyuck standing in front of him. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” He asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be home at 8? And not to be with Lucas till midnight? Renjun cat-like eyes widened by what Donghyuck said.

 

“I wasn’t with him—“

 

“You’re wearing his coat, Ren”

 

Renjun closed the door behind him and advanced closer to Donghyuck, he reached for his hand but Donghyuck pushed him away instead.

 

“What do I lack?”

 

no answer.

 

“What do you lack Renjun? What was the thing you were looking for that I couldn’t give?” Donghyuck felt tears escaping and he didn’t bothered to wipe it away.

 

“Love” Renjun said that without breaking their eye contact.

 

Donghyuck knows he shouldn’t say anything nor question it, he knows that the best option was just to leave the room but he didn’t do it. He spoke and got his heart tormented.

 

“Was the love I gave not enough?”

 

Renjun shook his head, “I promise you that I tried to love you, I really did. Those years that we were together? I enjoyed that. Im thankful that you were there for me but no one really gave me the feeling of being complete — not until Lucas came into my life. Donghyuck, I am so sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize”

 

Donghyuck walked to the door and opened it for Renjun, a silent request to leave him for a while.

 

                                                                            ☼

 

Donghyuck watched the person he loved become the color orange, Renjun was so full of life, so happy and contented. Donghyuck watched Lucas become the color yellow, the color he once wished Renjun had. They complimented each other, completed each other. They were the answers to each other’s questions. They are like the moon and the star —-

And then Donghyuck figured it out why he and Renjun were never meant to be together, the stars weren’t made to be with the sun. The sun was made to be the temporary happiness. The sun were made to be alone.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Renjun called and asked me “damn bitch u live like this?” 🤓🙏🏽 Anyway, I don’t really know what to put as title so i just said ill fw no longer and also, this is a whole mess but I enjoyed over working my half dead braincell while writing this


End file.
